Master, let me receive my sight!

I had the privilege of meeting many wonderful people in college. One of those people was my discipler through FOCUS. She and I have remained friends and I am so grateful for her example of walking a faith filled life. During college, she gave me the book An Ignatian Introduction to Prayer; Scriptural Reflections According to the Spiritual Exercises by Timothy M. Gallagher. It has meditations that walk you through scripture stories, prayerfully placing yourself within the story. I ordered a different book online to read as part of my Lenten added prayer, however, it hasn't come in the mail yet so I've been reading a meditation out of this Ignatian book each day instead. It has been so wonderful! Every day has spoken to my heart in a different way, and since it's been so life giving, I may just continue to do a meditation from this book and read the other book after I finish this one. There are 40 meditations in this book so it's pretty perfect for lent :) It feels refreshing to enjoy my prayer with these meditations and be reminded of the love and mercy of God. I'll be honest my prayer life has felt like more "work" than anything recently which feels exhausting to my relationship with God. I want to "play" more with God and simply "be" with Him, remembering his love, adoring Him and his greatness.

I wanted to share one of the meditations from this book- it's actually the first meditation of the book, and a great prayer for anyone. This is quoted right out of the book... I pray that it bring each of us renewed joy and a reminder of Jesus's call to us, his desire to bring us healing and love through his embrace: 

"SCRIPTURE READING 

As I begin, I become aware of the Lord present to me, looking upon me with love, desirous of speaking to my heart... 

Prayerfully I read Mark 10:46-52

MEDITATION

I see the crowds, the road as it leaves the city, the blind beggar seated by the road... I am there with him... perhaps I take his place, and, now, I am seated there, like him, waiting...

He seeks to come to Jesus out of his great need, and his hope that in Jesus he will find healing. But he is helpless to approach the Lord... I sense my own need, my own hope, my own helplessness.

I watch as he pours out his need and his hope in the repeated cry: "Jesus, Son of David, have mercy on me!" His cry becomes the cry too of my heart: "Jesus... have mercy on me!" I make this prayer to the Lord...

Jesus hears this cry. He stops. He says to the crowd: "Call him." I hear them say to me: "Take heart; rise, he is calling you." I feel my heart begin to lift with new hope...

I stand before Jesus. Our eyes meet... I see his face, I hear his words, his question to my heart: "What do you want me to do for you?" Now Jesus and I are alone in the midst of a crowd. And I speak to him from my heart, unhurriedly. I dare to tell him all that I hope he will do for me... all that I hope for from this time of prayer... 

I say to him: "Master, let me receive my sight." Help me to see! Help me see my way clearly in the doubts and fears that my heart feels; help me to overcome the obstacle that keeps me from the closeness I desire with you...

And with Bartimaeus, I experience Jesus' word of healing... I sense the love that pours out from him and brings healing, brings new hope into my life...

I follow him along the way... 

AFTER THE PRAYER

What word in this Scripture most spoke to my heart?

What touched my heart in this time of prayer? What did my heart feel as I prayed? 

What did I sense the Lord saying to me?"

One last note- I felt freedom in my heart when I read the part about the crowd saying "take heart; rise, he is calling to you"... It was a great reminder to me that I may feel like a beggar on the ground, struggling to keep my head up, but every time we get to that point, Jesus calls us again. He calls us to rise from the dirt, to come to Him, to let Him wrap his arms around us and just be. We don't have to do anything to earn it. Just allow Him to call your name and comfort you. And so we continue this journey of lent rising to share our hearts with Jesus, even the ugly parts we don't like, and ask Him to give us new sight.

St Michael, Defend Us In Battle

I continue to struggle along this winding road.. this weekend my heart has been very heavy with a plethora of thoughts... here are a few... 

I've noticed recently that when I tell people that I've been convicted about something in prayer, most people say they don't hear God speak to them so strongly in prayer. I've questioned whether or not it's God's voice many times, especially since I seem to be out of line with how other people experience God. It's quite a struggle. Either it's God's voice and I've been given a great gift (however lonely I may feel in having this gift that others cannot relate to) or I'm completely insane and I've been following my own voice all along. I feel like I would be in a LOTTT more trouble if in fact I am just leading myself by way of my own thoughts all this time... which leads me to believe it isss God's voice. So how do I gratefully accept this as a gift and walk in a world that doesn't understand? I think many saints must have felt lonely, unsure and yet so convicted (and please don't get me wrong- I'm nowhere close to being a saint haha... my point is simply that I find comfort in their stories). This year for Lent, I've decided to read a book for lent as a part of my added prayer. A priest recently recommended that I read more about the saints. I'll be honest, I've never read any books about the saints. I've always heard their stories but never read more than a short life summary or quote... partly because I never enjoyed reading until recently. But I thought this was the perfect suggestion because of what I mentioned earlier- I think we can take such comfort from hearing that we are not alone in our struggles and it is possible to remain faithful in this world of uncertainty, fleeting peace, temporary life. All you holy men and women, angels and saints of God.... pray for us.



So as the journey of Lent begins tomorrow, I pray for peace from God for you and me, peace that this world cannot give. 

St. Michael the Archangel, defend us in battle. Be our protection against the wickedness and snares of the Devil. May God rebuke him we humbly pray, and do thou, O Prince of the heavenly hosts, by the power of God, thrust into hell Satan, and all evil spirits, who prowl about the world seeking the ruin of souls. 

Jesus Lamb of God, you take away the sins of the world, have mercy on us.
Jesus Lamb of God, you take away the sins of the world, have mercy on us.
Jesus Lamb of God, you take away the sins of the world, grant us peace.