Losing weight vs losing weight

Why hello! It's been a little while... The working world gets in the way sometimes ;) Things are going well with my job. I was given the opportunity to go on an installation in Nebraska last week- it was great to see a project come to life! :)

I've been feeling called to write about my Lenten journey for this year which will require me to be pretty open and honest... but hey, we're all wounded, right!? This year, I felt convicted when someone asked how our Lenten sacrifices or "fasts" will bring us closer to God. So many people, especially us ladies, give up chocolate or cookies in hopes of losing weight. While I don't judge anyone who is doing this and can totally relate to this desire because I've been guilty of it in the past, my perspective changed this year. I was thinking about the idea of "losing weight". I really feel that Lent is not about losing weight in the physical sense, but rather losing the weight of a cross we bear by drawing close to God. For me, my fast relates to food but let me explain... Here's where I get honest- before Lent started, I snacked a lottt when I got home from work. I didn't really even think about it sometimes. So, I decided to give up snacking and try to better plan my meals for weeknights, remembering that it's more about being healthy and taking care of my body than controlling the food I eat. Let me also say that I've already failed a couple times since lent has begun. I'm human and I'm far from perfect. But I'm still trying. And praying. A lot. And that's where I try to focus on being happy and healthy in my relationship with God... not losing weight physically, but rather spiritually. Last time I checked, Christ endured the biggest cross of all- so what makes us think He can't help us with our crosses? In being obedient to God through a "fast" during Lent, we can only grow stronger in our faith, so long as our focus and fasts are purposeful. If Jesus fasted for 40 days, so can we... and we don't have to do it alone!  I am so grateful for my family and friends who are willing to meet me where I'm at and love me through my "human-ness"... I've been very blessed by so many peoples' insights, perspectives, and experiences. Chances are, you who are reading this, are one of those people. And chances are, the cross you bear has been endured by another person you know, and that someone is willing to walk with you as a "Simon" figure, lifting a little bit of the weight. My hope is that everyone would know how much they are loved and come to a greater understanding of their worth in Christ, sharing the crosses we bear during this Lenten season.

As a final note, I want to mention that so often we feel "controlled" by things like religion or traditions in the church... or like it's "weird" to be so devout, or that those who don't have the "right" focus for Lent are doing it "wrong".  I put quotes around "right" and "wrong" because I don't have the answers to everything. I may think I know in my heart what is "right" but that doesn't mean that someone else's way/opinion that is different than mine is "wrong"... Again it comes back to trust in the Lord, asking HIM for the answers to what you should be doing as an individual for Lent, and making your time purposeful for your life and relationship with God. God loves each of us and wants to make the most of our life. The way we respond can either make the weight of our cross heavier or lighter... the choice is up to us.

"The God of angel armies is always by my side" - Chris Tomlin

All things new

Oh boy... It's been a while since I've posted because lots has changed! I've barely been online at all because I've been in the process of moving to Colorado Springs to work at a design firm! God's truly had a hand in all of this... Of course I've done some of the leg work but I've tried to trust fully on His will. It's worked out pretty well so far and I'm challenged each day to remain completely reliant on Him. I will say my Nana seems to be present in all of this too... Before I got hired, I had to come to two different interviews. On my way to the second interview, I was praying/thinking of my Nana and about 10 seconds later, a car drove by with the license plate "NANANME" (nana 'n me)... crazy or what!? Soo... they hired me part time and I decided to move and look for another part time job... three weeks later, they hired me on full time! They specialize in specialty clinics (eye doctors, surgical centers, etc) so it's just what I was looking for... again, a great gift! I got to start designing this past week... I'm working on a remodel for a pediatric center. It's exciting to see the work of my degree come in to fruition. I still have the thought of teaching in my head but I'm excited and thankful for this experience. It's definitely opening my eyes to the stresses and realities of the working world but for now, I'm just trying to stay present in each moment and enjoy this new adventure! I know there's a lot more to discuss but I have to get myself together for the week. Hope all are well!

Oh... PS- my mom and I went up to Peak to Peak highway a few weeks ago before I moved and saw this... pretty amazing

Waiting

I've been doing a lot of waiting recently. The more I think about it, a lot of life involves waiting. Waiting, listening, and acting. Waiting for a job, waiting for the mail, waiting for your wedding day when you're engaged, waiting 9 months for a behbeh, waiting at a red light, waiting in line at the grocery store. At the moment, I've been waiting to hear from prospective employers, waiting to hear God's call, waiting for my slowww computer to load, waiting for yummy meals to finish cooking, waiting to see if I'll EVER overcome the desire for chocolate all day err day (hahaha yeah right), waiting for my turn to use the car, waiting for my seeeesters to come home. So what do I do as I wait? Do I waste time on Pinterest/Facebook? Do I let my mind wander where it shouldn't? Or do I take care of myself? Do I embrace the silence? Do I make good use of my time? Do I spend time with God? That last one's should be no question... Yet some days I find myself going through the day and the most time I spend with God is a small meditation for 5 minutes. I guess it's better to be connecting in some small way than not at all. A good friend from GSV recently sent me a blog about waiting. The part that stuck out to me was when the blogger said that we may be waiting to hear from someone (a phone call, response to an application, email, facebook, etc) but the reality is that God is always calling us and always waiting for us. How will we respond? In the Christmas clay-mation "Santa Claus is Comin' to Town", one of the songs is called "One Foot in Front of the Other". It's that simple?! Easier said than done... One day at a time, we can figure out one thing at a time, while we wait and listen to God's call in His time.

As I mentioned, my mom and I have been waiting for food to finish cooking because we've been trying to make some Pinterest recipes. I pin sooo many recipes but never try them. So my mom and I decided to try at least one new recipe per week... It's a lot of fun! Here's what we've tried...

Turkey Stuffed Peppers 

(Delish! http://www.skinnytaste.com/2008/11/turkey-stuffed-peppers-45-pts.html)

Kale Smoothies 

(I used nonfat plain greek yogurt- very good and really good for you! http://taste-for-adventure.tablespoon.com/2012/05/11/strawberry-kale-smoothie/?nicam4=SocialMedia&nichn4=Facebook&niseg4=Tablespoon&nicreatID4=Post)

Santa Strawberries
(I made this just because we had extra chocolate frosting from my mom's bday... bit of a fail you might say hahahaha may be cuter if I tried to do it right. Joe ate the three little guys I made so I guess they were tasty... just not so attractive ;) http://pinterest.com/pin/87116574012918057/)

Shrimp Stir-fry

Lucy and I just made this up... 1 red pepper, 1 orange pepper, broccoli, carrots sliced, snap peas, some toasted sesame seeds, garlic powder, a little bit of sesame oil... stirfry all the veggies together and then add the cooked shrimp! 

Sesame Sticks 

(these are from the flat belly diet cookbook)

I don't have photos for these but they look like the photos on the websites:

Bruschetta Chicken
(We used italian dressing and it turned out just as tasty! http://www.the-girl-who-ate-everything.com/2009/04/grilled-bruschetta-chicken.html) 

Broccoli Cauliflower Casserole
(Not my favorite- although I looooove broccoli and cauliflower. The marjoram in the Italian seasoning was what made it a little bit too much for me... it may be better w/o the seasoning... http://www.mccormick.com/Recipes/Vegetables/Broccoli-Cauliflower-Casserole.aspx)

Spinach salad with avacado, chicken and goat cheese
(We used feta- I love goat cheese but we had feta at home so that's what we used :) http://www.recipegirl.com/2012/04/02/spinach-salad-with-chicken-avocado-and-goat-cheese/)

Now that I've spent my "waiting" time writing this blog, I think my next step is back to my job search... Cheers to putting one foot in front of the other! 

Home

I am soo happy to be home! Family, friends, mountains and 4 country stations FTW!

I have nothing but time to job search and reflect on my year in New Jersey... which can be a blessing or a curse depending on how I let my mind wander ;) Some days are like this: 

And then you have days like this: 

I couldn't be happier to be back in Colorado. There's something about the simplicity of life here that I love so much. I got back from NJ just in time to go to the Larimer County Fair... the epitome of country: Country music, beer, mountains in the background, animals. Winning! We walked around and looked at all the animals... I love the horses but I decided I also love the pygmy goats... sooo cute

My whole family was home for the past two weeks. Kate went back to WA today :( We had fun together while we were all here... ermergersh! soooo many laughs. Kate, Lucy and I went to the lake to the "beach" the other day. Not the same as the real beach, obviously, but I still loved it :) 

I've been to two weddings since I've been back. Congrats Molly and Mikey and Cesca and Joseph!!! It was so good to see so many friends from CSU... Today, I got to catch up with Steph Pott between the ceremony and reception. Steph and I have so many pictures in so many random places... a pink castle in some airport on our way to Florida, Times Square in NYC,  the boardwalk in New Jersey, an old church in the upper east side in NYC, the trolley in fort collins today just to name a few... 

I miss hanging out with everyone all the time when we were all in Foco! How is it that college came and went so quickly!? Lucy leaves for college in two weeks and it's bringing me back to when  I went to college. Some of it I don't remember (like how I shoved all my stuff in a little dorm room) but some of it is fun to think about... Who knows, maybe one day I'll be back in school... for now it's just job searching (everything from healthcare interior design positions to nannying, retail and assistant teaching positions) and catching up on life. It's been an adjustment to merge my life in CO with my service life in NJ. A bit more challenging than what I expected buuuut yet another learning opportunity. As my GSV roommate, Christina, said, "Well... this is something we've never done before..." Normally, I'd giver her sass and say "deep, Christina, reaaaaally deep." ;) but I think that's actually a great motto... every day, even if it's the same routine, is different and full of new experiences giving us different perspectives. Grab a brew and enjoy the little moments! As I continue my job/life search, I find a lot of hope in the conviction I had to come home. I am so certain God was calling me back to Colorado, so there's no doubt about me being home. It's just a matter of trying different doors to see which one has the right path for me!

Happy Challenges

Annnd it all comes full circle. I cannot believe there are only two weeks left. I have so much I want to write but I feel like a couple things stick out so I'll try to keep it brief. Geeeeze I'm really gonna miss these people- Ray, the staff, the sisters and definitely my roommates. Leaving is definitely going to be dfficult... but I have to think of it as another happy challenge. We had a spirituality night tonight and Aleks printed out an article with this quote:
"Any sorrow can be the parent of a joy we've never imagined" -Martha Beck
It's a good quote to keep in mind as we transition out of our service year. It's easy to focus on the loss of everything and what we're leaving behind. It's also really important to focus on the good and what good is ahead.

I also got a hand-out from my spiritual director from the book Understanding the Enneagram and liked a couple things that I thought I'd share. In any transition, it is important to remember that new coworkers/roommates/family come from different life paths and as our roads intersect, it can be unsettling (if we let it) because we all bring different perspectives to the table... The first passage also makes me think of anyone in service or missionary work- we may not see the fruits of our labor but you never know the impact you will make. The second and third points are lessons I've been working on this year as well:

1. "You have a lot to teach others and are probably a good teacher, but do not expect others to change/[understand] immediately. What is obvious to you may not be obvious to them, especially if they are not used to being as self-disciplined and objective about themselves as you are about yourself. Many people may also want to do what is right and may agree with you in principle, but for various reasons, they simply cannot change/[understand] right away. The fact that others do not change/[understand] immediately according to your prescriptions does not mean that they will not change/[understand] sometime in the future. Your words and above all your example may do more good than you realize, although they may take longer than you expect. So have patience... there is probably no single, absolutely correct way of doing everything... many things can be done differently without any disadvantages."

2. "First and foremost, remember that if you are not addressing your own needs, it is highly unlikely that you will be able to meet anyone else's needs without problems, underlying resentments and potential rejections. Further, you will be less able to respond to people in a balanced way if you have not gotten adequate rest, and taken care of yourself properly. It is not selfish to make sure that you are okay before attending to others' needs- it is simply common sense."

3. "While there are many things you might want to do for people, it is often better to ask them what they really need first. You may be gifted at accurately intuiting others' feelings and needs, but that does not necessarily mean that they want those needs remedied by you in the way you have in mind."

and finally- "Put yourself in the way of good... self-esteem and self-confidence will develop only from having positive experiences. You may feel that you are never ready to take on a challenge of some sort, that you always need more time. Even if you start small, commit yourself to doing something that will bring out the best in you."

These thoughts may all be pretty scattered, but they are just a few things I was inspired by in the past couple days that I wanted to share... As I mentioned, we only have two weeks left so we have lots of dinners and activities with different staff members who want to say goodbye... Our final retreat is July 27-29 and then my flight home is the evening of the 29th... it's all going to fly by I'm sure. I'll be praying for anyone in transition and ask for prayers as I continue to job search and transition as well :)

Because I knew you, I have been changed for good

How many people can you say goodbye to in one week!? For us it's been a lot- over 150 between the students, staff, and soccer team girls. The last day of school was last Thursday and that was definitely a bittersweet day. The highlight from the day was at the end of the day. All of the staff stood outside on either side of the sidewalk and clapped as the students left the school. Such a testament to the amazing place that is Collier. Friday morning we had what's known as the "crying meeting" where all the staff meets and has an opportunity to thank different people for things throughout the year. If you didn't guess from the clever name, tears were definitely a component ;) It was the last staff meeting for us (the GSVs) so it was hard to say bye to all of the staff who have been such a big part of our year here! Coming into GSV, past Collier GSVs always told us that "this person is amazing, you'll love her" and "oh he's been here so long and has such a gift for working with the kids- he's awesome" etc etc... after a while it seems phony and like the staff members are all just little angels running around... but really, there's no other way to describe the staff but awesome and amazing. These people are some of the most loving people I've met. They work so hard for the students and it's been humbling to watch each of them express their gifts through teaching or counseling these kids with emotional challenges. During the "crying meeting", I said that I was truly humbled because the 5 GSVs have given a year to serve at this school but the staff members give their lives, year after year, to serving this population. It's truly been a gift to be a part of this school.

Friday evening was graduation. The ceremony was outside at the outdoor stage on the school's campus- it was the perfect evening weather wise!   Here's some pics- One with Ray, our principal, and one with Tammy, the front desk receptionist at the school- we worked really closely with her and got to know her really well.

Friday after graduation we went to Ray's house and some of the staff came by for a staff party. So I guess some of the staff we didn't have to say goodbye to until then. I spoke with the Spanish teacher about her background at the party- she's Puerto Rican and has so much zeal for life. She's so full of energy and loves talking about her culture. She was telling me about how she integrates her culture with her husbands culture (Italian) and how their kids have embraced it too... I thought it was so interesting! You may be bored reading about this haha it was just a fun convo so I thought I'd share...

Saturday morning, we had our last soccer game (we've been cheering for Ray's daughter's middle school rec soccer team this spring) and had another party at Ray's after the soccer game to say goodbye to all those girls. Crazy weekend of goodbyes! Saturday afternoon we laid by the pool on the school property and Sunday we just relaxed- did a whole lot of nothing which was nice.

This week has been very slow and kind of difficult at school. Plus it's been in the upper 90s with 80-100% humidity. Gross.... After the rush of the school year it seems very slow in the school. We go in around 9 or 10 and leave by 3. A lot of the time we're just asking admin what needs to be done and doing little tasks here and there. It's starting to get a little old but starting next week, we'll be doing the rock wall and zip line twice a week. That'll be nice to break up the week. Speaking of breaking up the week, yesterday we got to go crabbing in the bay again with Ray. We went in August when we first got here and it was so fun so we went again. It was a much needed get away from the school. Today I got to help the art teacher organize a lot of her room. It's always so nice to get to spend time with her because she's very insightful and really "gets" the kids. She's a true artist in the way she thinks about things but she's so grounded and has a lot of great advice. It was great to chat and organize... two of my favorite things :)

I'm currently job searching for when I return in August. I'm not sure what I'll be doing but hopefully working. I'm really feeling good about my decision to come home and I'm glad I trusted my instinct. I've been meeting with a spiritual director all year and we've talked a lot about decision making and trusting myself... very hard but essential life lessons! It makes life so much more easy when we trust ourselves and try to keep our heart, mind and soul in line. My spiritual director told me when I feel out of sync to ask God to make straight my crooked paths. Simple prayer but powerful.... Got hope now!? .... weeeeee!

That's all for now! More to come this summer!

Is it really June?

The past month and a half has been packed full of life ;) May flew by as I prepared for our school musical, City of Angels, went on a 3 day silent retreat, helped with our principal's daughter's soccer team, visited Emily Weber when she was in New York, chaperoned prom, started teaching an art class, visited with family, and went home for Lucy's graduation!

I was in charge of costuming for City of Angels which ended up being a huge task. I had no idea what I got myself into when I agreed to do it. Our school has very little budget for renting so I basically came up with the costumes from our small costume selection, Good Will runs, and different clothes the kids brought in that they owned. It ended up being a great show and the kids were thrilled, once again making all the stress worth it :)

The silent retreat was in Garrison, NY, at a retreat center. I didn't really know what to expect going into the retreat but I found that it was truly awesome. I have never heard God speak so clearly to me. I had been debating whether or not to do another GSV year and there were multiple times that I read something that weekend or heard something that lead me to have a ton of peace about returning to Colorado. It has definitely taken a lot of trust to make the decision to go home but I know it's the right thing. I'm currently looking for jobs in design as well as education so we'll see where I end up :) The hardest part about leaving will be the people. I know I'm ready to move on from the experience, but it has already proven to be difficult to tell people I won't be back. I'm thankful I had so much peace at the retreat about going home because it's given me comfort when I fear I've made the wrong choice or get sad about leaving. Prom was one event that really made me question my decision. It was so fun to see the students dressed up, feeling good about themselves (uncommon for many of them) and having fun. But I have to remember that every day at school doesn't always feel like prom and I made my decision because it's what's best for me and my future... lots of lessons in trusting this month :)

Going home for Lulu's graduation was sooo wonderful. I'm so proud of her for graduating and for all of the hard work she did, especially during her senior year. She's going to school for graphic design which is very fitting for her artistic skillzzz :) It was also just really great to be home with my family. I miss them so much and we always have to much fun when we're together! My cousin is a professional photographer and was there for her party and took lots of pictures... check it out-- he's super artsy, too!! http://www.mikelesnickgallery.com/p778490474

June 14th is our last day of classes for the students and graduation is the 15th. I'm sure it'll be pretty emotional... I'm forever grateful for this year with these kids and the staff at Collier. I have grown in so many ways and learned so much about how to love myself and the world. If I could give one message to the students, it would be a message I'd send to my high school self as well. I'd say something like this... forgive me if it's cheesey:

Love yourself.
Love your neighbor.
Don't be so judgmental of yourself.
Don't be so judgmental of your neighbor.
Recognize that you have valuable ideas and skills to contribute to the world which may be expressed in different ways.
Recognize that your neighbors have valuable ideas and skills to contribute to the world which may be expressed in different ways.
It cannot not work out- all things are leading you to where you need to be tomorrow. 
I believe in you, the staff believes in you, and God believes in you- believe in yourself.


"You may feel like giving up, but I know you've always got more to give. You just have to believe in your ability to achieve." -Jillian Michaels